Becky and Ben

Dear Becky,

You are a wonderful person. Beautiful. Flawless. Perfect in every way. The past 8 years have been the most memorable years of my life. You have loved me like no other, cherished me, uplifted me and been with me through everything. Seen me through my highest and my lowest. You have managed to replace every shade of grey with the most delighful hues. You have given me all my dreams and then turned them into reality. Only you could have turned every impediment into stepping stones. Oh Becky, I doubt if there is anyone out there who is as passionate, as determined, as phenomenal as you. Yes Becky, phenomenal is what you are. There is nothing that Becky Lewis can't conquer. I must be, no, I am the most fortunate man alive to have you choose me. And be with me and love me all these years. But there is just one problem Becky; I don't love you. Truth is I never have. I have just been telling myself that I do all these years. But I suppose in every man's life comes a time when he can no longer lie to himself. And I suppose that time for me has come. I don't love you. The very thought of another moment with you makes me want to hang myself. Because it would be better to die than live this suffocating, asphyxiated existence that life with you has translated itself into. Your perfection, your passion, your determination and your support, all of it, is stifling. You are stifling Becky. You smother me. Your love is exactly what a dispassionate, tepid, shallow man like me needs.But its exactly what I don't want. I don't want your love Becky. I don't want you. I'd much rather live an insignificant, meaningless, aimless life without you than spend another moment of this madness mired in words like love, support and encouragement. I am aware that in another year from now, 2 at the most, I would be living a life no more meaningful and exciting than the guy with the newspaper kiosk 2 blocks from where I'm writing this letter. I will have no dreams, no rainbows to chase. Nothing and no one to stir me, fuel me, motivate me. And that's exactly what I want Becky. Dear Becky, you have given me everything and more. I just ask you for one last favour. Please leave me alone. Go away. As far as you can. Disappear. Die if possible.

Forgive the brutal candour.

Thank you but no thank you.

Ben.